10/14/2010

As we are preparing to start this journey of Foster Parenting, I am pondering this: how can anyone do this without support?

My husband and I almost daily discuss another aspect of Foster Parenting, another thing to consider, another way that our lives will change when we take in our first child. There is so much that goes into Foster Parenting - love, time, money, energy, emotions, travel, relationships.

Foster Parenting, like regular parenting, requires giving and giving and giving some more, and giving some more even when you feel like you've got nothing left to give. Just as I don't know how single parents do it, I don't know how foster parents do it without support. Support from one another, friends, family, church, the fostering agency.

We have felt the support of family, friends and our church in two main ways:
1) for many months people have been praying for us. Ever since we made it public that we were pursuing foster parenting, at least a handful of closer friends from church have been praying regularly for us.
2) a few weeks ago we put a "need" out there at church - we needed more beds. Within a week we had 1 more bed. A week later I was verbally promised 2 more beds. And just days ago was told of yet another bed that we could have if we need. One elderly lady told me that she doesn't have a bed for me, but she does have a quilt she made that she'd like to give to us for the foster children.

To feel supported in these ways encourages me. We may be the ones on the "front lines" of this particular ministry, but there is support coming from those around us that is a vital part it.

I expect that we will become officially "licensed" this week. The State has 30 days to approve our license. The countdown started September 20th.

A call could come at any time. We are praying for wisdom to know how to respond.

I was DELIGHTED to read Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to my daughter this week. I loved this book as a child and vividly remember hearing one of my elementary school teachers read this beloved book to the class. My daughter definitely caught the enthusiasm too. One evening we read for 2 hours straight! Neither of us wanted to put it down!

My favorite part of this book is the inventiveness. Creativity and imagination abound in the chocolate factory.

And, being a family that lives without TV, I was singing right along with the Oompa-Loompa's as Mike Teavee was escorted out...

"So please, oh please, we beg, we pray
Go throw your TV set away
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks -
Fear not, because we promise you
That in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something good to read.
And once they start - oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did."

Reading a good book together... that's just what we did! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a hit!

My 2-year-old son has been having trouble sleeping at night this week. Crying out. Waking up every 15 minutes or so (just as I am falling back asleep). Up to 10 times per night. It's been rough. I like the baby and toddler stage of parenting... everything except for the sleepless nights. I love sleep. Always have loved sleep. In college, I was the only person probably on the entire campus that was heading to bed before 10:00 pm! I need sleep or just can't function the next day. So, it's been a long week.

Then today I found this poem my mother had written 25-30 years ago, as she was raising her four little ones. A good reminder that this too will pass... and I will some day shed tears over the passing of these days that right now seem so rough and long.

"MOMMY"

Sleeping angels? I don't know-

Sometimes with toddlers it's hard to say so.

When they call in the night

I wake and have to fight

to get to my feet again

and plug the forgotten night light in.

Then one who needs a drink

but can't quite reach the bathroom sink.

Then someone is hot and needs his jama tops off,

and another is upset because he just can't cough.

There's one more story they forgot to tell me.

Oh, and open the curtains or they can't see.

Now he's kicked off the cover

and no one else can fix it like mother.

So many times I think the sound of my name

in the middle of the night will drive me insane.

So much I wish for the nights

I'll be able to sleep through till mornings' light.

But when I stop to think, I see

just how sad that day will be.

For when my time is completely my own,

these precious kids will no longer be home.

Sleeping angels? Oh yes they are

And if I could wish upon a star,

I'd want to be able to keep them somehow,

just the ages that they are right now.

~ LaDonna

My hubby introduced this concept to me a few months ago. It's become our preferred way for a super quick hot breakfast.

Lightly spray the inside of a coffee mug with cooking spray. Break 1 or 2 eggs into the mug.

Add a small splash of milk. Mix with a fork. Add in your favorite extras: salt, pepper, shredded cheese, hot sauce, or whatever you'd like. Microwave the mug on high for 45-60 seconds. It's done.

Eat it from the mug. Or put it on a plate with a side of toast. Or put it on a toasted bagel with a slice of ham and cheese and you've got yourself an egg-mcmuffin breakfast in approximately 2 minutes.

It works for me!

It's one of those days. Those challenging, wish-I-could-go-back-to-bed days. My head knows that I must plug away at what is before me today. My body is resisting with all its worth!

So I have a 2-step challenge before me. First, to carry on with diligence despite the fact that I'm tired. To press on and be my best for my family. To do this with a pleasant attitude will take this challenge to the second level.

Of course the surprising part is this: when you act pleasant and joyful, you will find that you truly become pleasant and joyful! Eventually you don't have to "act." I'm not there yet - at this point it's still a struggle - but I expect that a few hours from now I will find myself feeling better and being thankful that I got-up-and-did-it instead of going back to bed!

Proverbs 11:27 - He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.

I'm off to look for all things good in my day today.

My husband finished up a project recently that has been a beautiful addition to our kitchen - a coffee bar. He purchased the cabinet for $30 at the Re-Store (Habitat for Humanity's discount store). It was an upper corner cabinet for a kitchen. With some work, he finished it, put tile on the top and painted it. Then viola - it's a mighty fine looking coffee bar. The toaster, my hubby's coffee maker and his coffee bean grinder perch on the top, which my husband loves. Below are 4 deep shelves of pantry/cupboard space, which I love!

Monday of this week we passed the final hurdle in our preparations for foster parenting - the final walk-through of our home to ensure safety standards, the completion of our home study report and confirmation that we have completed all necessary paperwork to send to the State. We were told that the State will issue us a license within 30 days - so that is how much time to have to finish preparing the room we will use for foster children. We still need at least one more bed and need curtains on the windows. Ok. 30 days. Sounds good.

Two days later we got a call from the agency saying that they had 4 siblings that need a foster home. Are we interested?!

Whoa!

We don't have a license yet, so there must be some mistake. No mistake. If you are willing to accept this placement, the State will expedite the process and grant you an immediate license.

4 siblings. A 5-year-old boy, a 4-year-old girl and 3-year-old twins (boy and girl).

We said no.

We aren't ready yet.

And we don't have room for 4 even if we were "ready." Our van's capacity would only allow us to take in 3 foster children at a time.

We said no.

Yet our hearts so want to say yes.

We're praying for a home for those siblings. Praying that a home can be found where they can stay together, to not be separated from each other during an already hard time.

There are likely 2 reasons why we were contacted to consider taking this group in. First, we have said that we will take sibling groups. Many families state on their home study that they will only accept 1 foster child. No sibling groups. Period. We stated clearly that we would consider any sibling groups. Secondly, we have the room to accept as many as 6 foster children, based on the square footage of our home / the large room we're using for foster kids.

But we're not ready at this point for even one. We thought we had 30 days.

We will work diligently this weekend to get ready so that if we get a call next week, we just might be able to say yes as our hearts so desire to!

Over the weekend, my husband worked tirelessly to install a new stovetop in our kitchen. For 18 months, we have lived without a stove (to see "before" pictures and read about the state of the kitchen when we moved in, go here) . We have a built-in oven unit but no stovetop for cooking. We borrowed a "hot plate" from our church. It had 2 burners. One worked, one didn't. The one that worked had two settings - OFF or HIGH! This made cooking all the more challenging! So it goes without saying that my husband is now my hero and I'm ecstatic to have a kitchen that has 100% of the appliances we Americans consider to be standard in a modern kitchen.

• New ceramic stovetop installed last Saturday.
• New fridge installed in July.
• New-to-us wall oven installed in May.
  
• New dishwasher installed about a year ago.

Home makeover - baby step edition! :-) May take longer, but we don't have any debt to show for it either!

Today is a big day at our house. It's the beginning of the end of the foster parenting prep process. Today at 10:00 am we have our final home walk-through with a rep from the agency. She will confirm

• we have enough space for a foster child or two [50 square feet minimum per child]
  
• we have some safety measures in place [1 fire extinguisher in the kitchen, working smoke detectors on each level]
• the home study the agency prepared is accurate [this is a 10 page document describing our family, based on our nearly 25 pages of answers to questions about family history, childhood, relationships with parents and siblings, parenting philosophy, values, etc]
• all paperwork is in place, ready to send to the State for licensing

Lord willing, the visit will go well and things will continue to move forward. Once the State receives the paperwork, they have a deadline of 30 days to provide a license or give a reason for why they will not approve our request for licensing.

I will say that this process has not been fast nor has it been easy. My first contact with this agency requesting more information about foster parenting was January 22. To get to this point has taken us 8 months. As with anything the government is involved with, the paperwork alone is a maze to wade through. The requirements are many, including backround checks, local police checks and fingerprinting. Yet I understand that it's necessary to be thorough and to do everything necessary to ensure that foster children will be safe and loved in our home.

More updates to come. We appreciate your prayers for the Lord's will to be done in our lives as it relates to foster parenting.

"What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

9/17/2010

It's Friday again. I've had a wonderfully quiet week, for which I am thankful. This is Mr. Eli - the little guy I'm watching these days. He is now 7 months old and enjoys standing in the walker to take in all the action of my two kids. Never a dull moment! We've been outside every day this week, soaking in the last rays of summer sun. My kids are all smiles during "recess" time. :-)My mom sent some small gifts for the kids this week - a cup/plate/bowl set. My daughter loved her Strawberry Shortcake set. And my son was more than happy with his Cars set. Got to love the cheesy grin of a 2-year-old!

Happy Friday to one and all!

We have been tackling our home makeover with baby steps for many months. Since my husband is not taking any classes this fall, however, we have had more time and energy to put into some unfinished projects. One project that was completed last weekend was my daughter's bedroom.


Thankfully we have an extra bedroom in our home, so she's been in the extra temporary room for many months while "her room" was painted and carpeted, a ceiling fan installed, her ceiling textured, etc. The room looks great and she's happy to be back in it, as of last Saturday.

She has hot pink curtains that she picked for this room, but they are too sheer to use by themselves. So they will wait until we put up some blinds. For now, she has some beige curtains that are doing the job just fine.


She has a little study area with a desk and lamp, where she can read or do schoolwork.

Next up: major cleaning in the spare bedroom to make it ready for foster children

What does a church secretary do anyway?

Jobs within the church are a bit nebulous. Besides Sunday morning duties, nobody knows for sure what the staff does. The secretary... what does she do all week?

Last week was my last week as a church secretary. Of course it is bittersweet, but also a relief to be free to move on to the next phase of life. I've greatly enjoyed working for my church for over 6 years.

Here are a few stats to commemorate my resignation:

• I have personally folded over 31,000 Sunday bulletins!
• I have answered the phone "Hello. Faith Community Church. How can I help you?" approximately 500 times.
• I have created and printed promotional documents for church events, to the tune of 5,000 printed pieces.
• I have attended staff meetings with our church pastors for well over 200 hours, as we've discussed, planned and prayed.
• I have been responsible for purchasing thousands of dollars worth of office supplies, Christian Education materials, ink and toner cartridges, stamps, etc.
• One job I won't miss at all - licking envelopes for mailings! I have likely licked over 2,000 envelopes for numerous mailings over the years! Ewwww!
  
• Week after week I have organized 10-15 "quiet pack" boxes that our youngsters use during the worship service (they contain crayons, blank paper, some stencils, some small books, coloring pages, etc). 10 boxes organized every week for 6 years means I handled those boxes over 3,000 times!
  
• I have printed hundreds of visitor letters - as a follow-up for every person/family that has visited our church and left contact information.
  

I truly consider it an honor to serve the Lord in this way! It is an honor to serve the Lord in any capacity, but to be a part of His local Church is beautiful... and stressful... and wonderful... and frustrating... and fulfilling... and exhausting. It's been a great run. I am happy to say that I finished this race and can walk away with my head held high, knowing that I gave it my all. Thank you, Father, for the privilege of serving You in this way for this time.

Not much time to rest up for the next race - Foster Parenting!