Foster Parenting - Log #22


I mentioned last time that we were making some changes to our foster parenting status. Big changes, actually.

We are no longer foster parents.

We turned in our notice a few days ago.

It's been one year. We are very thankful that we were able to provide a safe and loving home for the 6 children who spent time with us.

However, there were some things that happened that caused us to question if the timing was right for us to be serving in this way. The biggest concern was related to how our two biological children were affected by having the foster children in our home. My daughter is 8 years old and overall handled things very well. My 3-year-old son, though, struggled a lot during the time that foster children were present in our home and long after they left. In fact, it's been over a month since our last foster children left and my son is still exhibiting behaviors that he picked up from those last children.

We also had a very difficult experience with our last foster placement. We saw some terrible things as a result of that placement - things that came out of us, things that came out of our biological children, things that came out of those whose job it is to support us as foster parents. In some ways it felt as though the legs were kicked out from under us, leaving us with no support.
Continuing to work within that system is impossible at the moment.

So, we are stepping away from foster parenting... not because our hearts no longer desire to help children and not because God's heart for the orphan child has changed. But because we owe it to our biological children to be here 100% for them, to guide and protect them while they are young. And because we've been burned by a broken system that let us down in our time of need.

I don't know what the future holds. I do know that in another ten years, we could easily return to foster parenting, at least in our hearts. Maybe it is in that season of life that we could have a fruitful, on-going foster parenting ministry.

Many of you know that we suffered a miscarriage in June. It was devastating... and still is. It was a major loss, as hopes and dreams were dashed. Laying down foster parenting feels similar to me. It is another loss, as hopes and dreams are again dashed. It feels like something is being ripped away from us. It feels like defeat. It feels like giving up.

But my rational mind reminds me that there is wisdom in knowing our limits, in knowing how much we can realistically handle at this stage of life. And it is not failure to try one's best - it is failure to not even try at all.

We gave it our best shot. We served for one year. We know that God has reasons for us meeting Amy and Candace and CJ and Chase and Davey and Jason. Their pictures hang on a wall in our home. My kids talk about them like they are distant cousins or old friends. We'll never forget them.

I have a few other thoughts to share about fostering, so this is likely not the last Foster Parenting Log. But for now, I will thank all of you who have walked on this journey with us, who have looked forward to reading these posts to learn more about foster parenting or to see who God is bringing our way. I thank those of you who know us "in real life" and have prayed for us, have supported and encouraged us, have helped us to provide for the needs of others. God bless you and may God shower mercy on all the children of the world.

Micah 6:8 says "He has shown you, o mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."


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