It's been five years since my heart was broken.
Five years since my world was turned upside.
Five years since dreams shattered.
Five years since my life was rocked to the core.
I miscarried a baby.
Grant David was his name.
I didn't know then that more miscarriages would follow.
I didn't know then the depth of the pain.
I didn't know then the tenderness of the wound,
even years down the road.
I didn't know then how I'd come through the grief.
I didn't know then just how long the cloud of despair
would follow me.
I didn't realize until then just how strong the arms of God were, to encompass me and hold me during the sorrow.
I didn't realize until then just how big God and that He can handle my "why, oh why" questions
and my shaking my fist at him.
I didn't realize until then how my misery would turn into a ministry to other women suffering miscarriages.
I didn't realize how going through such a valley can make the mountaintops even more wonderful.
Five years have passed.
I have miscarried two more babies - Hope and Isaac.
I also have birthed two more full-term children that bring much delight and joy to my soul.
And I have a full hope of seeing my Grant, Hope and Isaac again soon. I don't know what they will be like in heaven - little babies being rocked by Jesus Himself or little tykes romping and playing or full grown adults with a faith much fuller than mine. But regardless, I thank God for their lives and know that I will see them again.
Thank you, God, for carrying me through the heartbreak and the healing. You are good!