I've lost 3 babies to miscarriage in the last 22 months. Now I'm pregnant again. People are asking what is different this time? Will the doctors do anything different?
(Writing this feels so familiar, as I wrote something very similar back in September. You can read that blog post here)
I should preface this with the fact that I did have a battery of tests run in January - after loss #3, while not pregnant. Specialists tested for clotting abnormalities as well as dozens of other disorders that I could've developed since my last full-term pregnancy 5 years ago. All the tests came back normal. That is, medically they cannot explain why I've miscarried 3 babies after 2 successful pregnancies.
So what is different this time around? The easy answer is not much. I'm taking the usual prenatal vitamin. I'm taking a few extra doses of folic acid daily.
I've received early medical care with this pregnancy. I was able to see my regular doctor for pregnancy confirmation the very next day after my home pregnancy test was positive. Within the next 7 days, I was in to see specialists that deal with high-risk pregnancies. Within 2 more weeks, I had had 2 ultrasounds that confirmed that everything looked good. Bloodwork was done to check hormone levels. From a medical perspective, everything looks good with this pregnancy. (But everything looked good last time around too... but we still miscarried)
As with our last pregnancy, we decided to tell the world that we are pregnant shortly after we found out the news ourselves. Therefore, we know that there are hundreds of people praying for us and a few good friends fasting as well. It's easier to tell the news, to feel the support, even when the ultimate outcome is unknown.
I am feeling a lot of morning sickness, which makes me hopeful that my body is producing an adequate amount of pregnancy hormone (progesterone) to maintain this pregnancy. I was not this sick with the last pregnancies, which resulted in miscarriages.
So these are the critical days. I am about 9 weeks along currently. We lost our other babies between 7 and 12 weeks, so we're right into the critical period. I am more aware than ever that any day, even today, could be the day that we lose this baby too.
Do you wanna know what it feels like? It feels like holding your breath, for a very long time. It's the inhale that you take when something scary hits you and the holding of your breath until the fear passes. Usually that takes a second or two. In the case of miscarriages, it takes a matter of weeks or months. It feels like I'm holding my breath, hoping the danger passes and I can breathe again. Holding my breath until my baby is born.
Personally, I feel more hopeful this time. I do have faith and hope that things could turn out differently this time around. But I have no guarantees... and I'm ok with that. I'm taking each day at a time. I'm not planning ahead to maternity clothes, crib sheets and due dates. I'm focusing on keeping my lunch down today :-) and being thankful for the fact that I am pregnant.
"We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know who holds tomorrow."