That's me at 24-weeks pregnant, back in 2007.



9/20/2012

 
I've had 2 miscarriages in the last 15 months. Now I'm pregnant again. Things are a little different this time. 

TELLING

We decided to tell people that we're pregnant, even though it's still very early. You can read about that decision here.

I will say that it feels a bit freeing to have told people, to know that people are praying for us. Dealing with the dread of "what might happen again" is a heavy burden. By telling people, it's being shared instead of me carrying it around secretly and alone.

MEDICAL 

Things are quite a bit different this time around as far as medical care. When I suffered my second miscarriage, my doctor told me a few things that we would do differently "the next time." 

A. Prenatal Vitamins. My doctor indicated that I should start on prenatal vitamins immediately upon finding out I was pregnant. He gave me an ongoing refillable prescription so I had access to prenatal vitamins as soon as I would need them. Therefore, I started on prenatal vitamins over 2 weeks ago, when I first began to suspect that I might be pregnant. 

B. Folic Acid. My doctor advised me to buy some over-the-counter Folic Acid and have it ready. Again, this should be taken immediately after a positive pregnancy test result. So, I had this on hand and began taking it immediately, along with the prenatal vitamins. 

C. Early Medical Testing. My doctor told me to seek immediate medical treatment when I found out I was pregnant. I did. A series of blood tests were ordered to confirm that my body was producing pregnancy hormones in the appropriate quantities. We don't know what caused my previous miscarriages, but one possibility (with any miscarriage) is a lack of the hormone progesterone. If the mom isn't producing enough of this hormone, a miscarriage is likely. My early test results showed that I was producing a normal amount of progesterone with this pregnancy, though it was at the low-end of normal. My doctor prescribed a low dosage of progesterone hormones for me, just to help boost those numbers. 

As encouraging as it is to know that things look good now... I know that doesn't guarantee the outcome. 

PERSONAL 

I feel different this time around. For the last week I've had a feeling of dread in the bottom of my stomach. People ask if I've experienced morning sickness. Honestly, it's been hard to tell the difference between morning sickness and the dread/anxiety/butterflies that make my stomach feel constantly queasy. 

Although I am a control freak, I have guarded myself from letting myself go into "planning" mode. I am not even thinking about names, the nursery, maternity clothes, the "stuff" we might need, or even the due date. I'm not letting my mind go beyond the next few weeks. Part of that is self-preservation, because I've been here before. I've let my mind go, I've marked up my calendar for the next 35 weeks, I've thought of names, I've pulled out maternity clothes when I was not even close to needing them yet. I thought through detail after detail. Then I've lost the baby and had a lot more ground to cover in grief than I might otherwise have had. 

This time, I've decided that this baby - whether "with me" for just a few days or for a full-term pregnancy - is going to know praise. I've been more conscious than ever of humming and singing praise to the Lord. I want this baby to know joy, because this baby's mama knows joy. I want to live with joy today, knowing full well that tomorrow might hold sorrow. I want to embrace this moment for what it is and celebrate. For today, I am pregnant. For today, there is new life growing inside of me. For today, I am joyful and hopeful and giving all praise to God who is the Life-Giver!