Miscarriage: 18 Months Later


18 months. 548 days. Over 13,000 hours.

That's how long it's been since my heart was first broken.

June 29, 2011

I miscarried my baby, Grant David.

It was many months before the fog would lift and healing would begin. Of course, I couldn't have known then that it was only the beginning of a journey of pain and loss. 

February 23, 2012

I miscarried my baby, Hope. 

Brokenness. Pain. Loss. Death. Depression. 

October 17, 2012

I miscarry for the third time, losing my baby Isaac.  

I have to admit that out of the 13,000 hours, too many have been spent questioning. Too many have been spent depressed. Too many have been spent in self-pity. 

However, I also can see that some of those 13,000 hours were spent in ministry. Ministry of mercy towards others who are walking this path. 13,000 hours ago, I didn't know all that I would have in common with Merry, with Dee, with Moriah, with April, with Kimberly. The ministry I never wanted... but now I can minister to others because of what I've gone through, with Jesus at my side. 

I am a different person now than I was 18 months ago. I know Jesus at a different level than ever before. That is one way that God can use such pain and difficulties for good.

His grace is enough. I have no idea what my future holds. But His grace is sufficient for me. He and I will face it together. I can look back on the last 18 months and see those "footsteps in the sand" where I know He was with me and at times carrying me through it. He is enough.   


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